Going through a breakup, you may have turned to the Internet for advice. There’s no shortage of relationship gurus (no, I’m not going to name names) out there who guarantee this and that. While they may have helpful tips for those dating or getting over their breakup, it’s important to understand that their advice may not be the best. I’ve met clients who told me that listening to popular breakup coaches prolonged their breakup recovery process!
Here are some reasons why breakup coaches aren’t the answer to your breakup:
Breakup Coaches and Their Lack of Professional Training
Most of these “experts” are not licensed therapists or counsellors. While they may have experience in dating and relationships, they often lack the professional training to advise on mental health issues that often arise during a breakup. Some people may have deep-rooted trauma that gets stirred up during a breakup. Many coaches don’t know how to properly assess or help in these situations.
One-Size-Fits-All Breakup Advice
They often give general advice that may not apply to everyone. Every relationship and breakup is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Most of their advice often lacks nuance and specificity. This over-generalization may cause people to doubt or minimize their experiences.
Over-Reliance on Their Experience
While many breakup coaches may have had personal experiences with breakups, they lack the same depth of knowledge and experience as a licensed therapist or counsellor. Often their advice may be based on personal anecdotes rather than empirical research and relevant training. This can be harmful as it can contribute to the “one-size-fits-all” approach.
Breakup Coaches Promoting Mind Games
Often breakup coaches are criticized for promoting mind games and manipulation tactics in relationships. These games include “strategies” to win your ex back or how to “win” the breakup. This mindset can be harmful and can prolong the healing process after a breakup or contribute to complicated grief. By promising they can help you get your ex back, you shift your focus and energy on something you can’t control instead of focusing on your healing and growth.
Overly Simplified Breakup Advice
Relationship experts’ advice may be overly simplistic and fail to address the deeper emotional issues that arise during a breakup. There’s an emphasis on surface-level strategies, like maintaining a positive attitude or finding distractions, rather than addressing the underlying emotional pain or relational patterns that may have contributed to the breakup. As a breakup counsellor, I am trained in different practices and understand complex psychological theories that may pertain to each unique situation. This depth of knowledge is crucial in making sure my clients get the best coping skills to help their breakup recovery process.
Coaches Are NOT Regulated
Most people don’t realize this is a huge problem in the coaching industry. Anyone can call themselves a coach, despite the amount of training or relevant education they have. Coaches typically do not hold a high standard of ethics or follow a code of conduct that protects the public. For example, if a physician is making egregious mistakes then they will be reported to the state licensing board and will potentially lose their license. If a coach makes a mistake, can you guess what happens? Literally nothing.
If a coach makes a mistake or causes harm to a client, there are no systems to hold them accountable.
While some relationship or breakup coaches may have some helpful dating advice, it’s important to seek professional help when dealing with the emotional aftermath of a breakup. Listening to someone without the proper training and experience can do more harm than good, so it’s best to seek advice from licensed therapists or registered counsellors who provide personalized and evidence-based guidance. Check out my video to learn more about the differences between coaching and counselling services!
