Let’s talk about something that we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives: breakups. They can be super tough and emotional, but sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to cut off all contact with your ex. It can be hard to commit to the no contact rule, but trust me, it can be incredibly empowering. 

The science behind no contact

Did you know that our brains respond to heartbreak similarly to physical pain? That’s why you need to give yourself time and space to heal after a breakup.

For example, if you broke your leg, would the first reaction be to go out for a run?

Heck no!

You’re going to rest and heal and maybe go to see a physiotherapist to rehab that leg! You need to treat your broken heart with the same attitude of care.

Think of it like this: every time you are in contact with your ex, it’s the same as you putting weight on your broken leg.

Will your leg heal if you keep trying to walk on it?

No!

No contact allows you to focus on your well-being without being distracted by your ex. It also allows you to rewire your brain and create new neural pathways that don’t involve your ex.

A study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found an association between contact with ex-partners and greater declines in life satisfaction after a breakup (Lewandowski, Mattingly, & Pedreiro, 2014).

So, now that we’ve established why no contact is crucial to your breakup recovery process, here are 10 tips to help you stay strong and stick to a no contact rule after a breakup.

Set Clear Boundaries 

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when it comes to enforcing a no contact rule. Depending on the nature of the breakup, you can communicate your decision to your ex and let them know that you won’t be responding to any messages or calls.

Setting clear boundaries also apply to boundaries with yourself. It’s essential to stick to your guns and avoid any temptation to break the no contact rule, no matter how difficult it may be.

Remove Triggers

Removing any triggers that may remind you of your ex is a must. Unfollow them on social media, delete their number from your phone, and remove any gifts or items that remind you of them from your living space.

By removing these triggers, you’ll be less likely to break the no contact rule.

Focus on Yourself

After a breakup, it’s crucial to focus on yourself and your well-being. Take time to engage in activities that make you happy, such as exercising, reading, or spending time with friends and family.

The more you focus on yourself, the less you’ll be thinking about your ex.

Don’t Obsess Over Closure 

One of the most significant challenges of a no contact rule is the perceived lack of closure. However, obsessing over closure can be harmful and counterproductive. Instead, focus on moving forward and creating a new chapter in your life. Think about the goals you want to achieve and how you can start moving towards them. 

Trust me, getting closure from your ex is not necessary for you to move on.

Seek Support 

During this difficult time, it’s essential to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counsellor. I know that reaching out and sharing our feelings can be scary, but sometimes, having someone to talk to can make all the difference. There’s no shame in seeking help and giving space to your emotions. It may be helpful to have a breakup buddy who you can call when you have the urge to contact your ex.

Keep Busy 

Keeping yourself busy is an excellent way to distract yourself from the thoughts of your ex. Try a new hobby or activity, or throw yourself into work or school. Think about all the things that you wanted to do, but never got the chance to or all the things you felt you didn’t have time for when you were in the relationship. Now is the perfect time to do them!

Keeping yourself busy can help you focus on the present moment or your future, which means less time dwelling on the past. 

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is vital after a breakup. Take time to care for yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This includes getting enough sleep, staying active, eating healthy, journaling, and practicing mindfulness or meditation. 

Remember to love and care for yourself, always.

Don’t Play Games 

It can be tempting to play games with your ex after a breakup, but this will only make things more difficult in the long run. Examples of this might be trying to make your ex jealous by posting pictures of you with someone else or showing up on purpose to where they hang out.

Stick to your no contact rule and avoid any games or manipulation. 

Stay Positive

Staying positive can be challenging during a breakup, but it’s essential to focus on the good things in your life. Try to find something positive each day and remind yourself of your worth and value. Starting a gratitude journal can help you shift your focus on bigger things outside of your relationship status.  

Staying positive doesn’t mean avoiding our feelings. Rather, it’s to help you gain more perspective and help you realize you can still enjoy life even if you’re not with your partner.

Give Yourself Time

Finally, remember that healing takes time. Don’t expect to feel better overnight. Don’t rush to download Tinder. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal and move on. With time, you’ll find that the no contact rule becomes easier and easier to follow. 

Remember that you’re amazing, and you deserve to take all the time you need to heal and grow.

Going no contact after a breakup can be tough, but by following these tips, you’ll be on your way to healing and moving on after a breakup. If you’re struggling with the no contact rule, consider booking a counselling appointment with me to get additional support and guidance.