I’ve been taught and professionally trained to teach others the importance of validation and closure of relationships. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s important in order to feel heard and understood and it’s perfectly normal to want closure from your ex. But this is one of the biggest and most common mistakes that I see people make after a breakup and I’m here to tell you why closure is overrated.

I’ll be the first to admit it. I went back to my ex thinking that he would apologize and take some responsibility for the crash and burn of our relationship. That he made a huge mistake and that he was an idiot for losing me. I wanted him to say that he wanted to do whatever it takes to fix what we broke.

But he didn’t.

From this, I learned one of the biggest lessons in my life and I’m here to share it with you. Here’s 3 reasons why closure is overrated.

#1: Risky Business

It’s normal to want validation and closure from your ex. But sometimes we can do some pretty silly things in order to get it. Such as constant texting, calling, e-mailing, Facebook stalking, etc. This excessive behaviour keeps us from moving forward and can last for months or even years.

#2: Negative Thought Patterns

If our ex isn’t providing us with the closure that we all expect, we can start to blame ourselves. With all the emotions that come packaged with the breakup, we are extra vulnerable to our negative self-talk. We will start to think that we’re not worthy of closure of feeling okay. We’ll beat ourselves up over what we did wrong in the relationship in the first place.

#3: We Stay Stuck

Most people make the mistake by thinking that in order to move on, we need to have this “closure talk’ with our exes. We’ll sit down, say everything we’re feeling, apologize for not trying harder, take responsibility of our actions in the relationship, hug, and say our final goodbyes. And if we didn’t experience this, then we won’t be able to move on.

The Truth…

You don’t need validation or closure from your ex. If you do get it, then great. If not, then any extended attempts made to get it is a waste of time and effort. What you really need is to find other resources to get resolution. You can get it from friends and family, seeing a counsellor, from this blog post, and eventually you will get it from yourself. The secret to getting closure is to forgive yourself for your part into the ending of the relationship and by accepting that you may never get closure from your ex.

Remember, closure is overrated.