Maybe it’s just me, but I realized that I have a nasty habit of losing myself when I’m in a long term relationship. In the beginning, I’m smart, confident, fun, and I dance to the beat of my own drum. But somewhere down the line, that girl fades in the background and I become too accommodating and too understanding. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s important to be flexible in relationships, but when I start to compromise who I am and what I want in life, then things start to head south. From my personal experience, I’ve learned to overcome this challenge and I want to share it with you so you can find yourself again.

Here’s 3 ways to find yourself in a relationship:

Tip #1: Know who you are in order to find yourself

First off, you need to know who you are before entering any relationship. What are your values? What goals do you have? What are you most passionate about in your life? Building a sense of resilience is also crucial in knowing who you are. If you expect that finding a partner will help you feel whole and complete, think again. Relationships are a great way to learn about life and also to discover what works and doesn’t work for you in terms of finding the right partner. Relationships are learning experiences, not the means that will define the fundamentals of who you are.

Once you get clear on who you are and what you want out of your life, it makes it easier for you to stand up for yourself.

Tip #2: Don’t be afraid to express yourself

When you realize that who you are starts slipping to accommodate to your partner’s life and for the “greater good” of the relationship and this is something that you’re not okay with, you need to say something. When you start abandoning your goals, dreams, hobbies, etc. in order to avoid “rocking the boat” or to be fully supportive of your partner, you send the message that you are less important, which we both know, is simply not true. Understand that what you have to offer the relationship is valuable and what you’re offering is who you are. When you are no longer to afraid to express yourself, it will be easier to find yourself in a relationship.

It’s your responsibility to say how you feel, what you want, and how you contribute to your life; no one else will do it for you.

Tip #3: Stick to your guns

Remember: This is YOUR life. Live it the way you want to live it. Nobody should ever take that away from you, not even your partner. Be active in your hobbies and your interests, don’t give them up. Try something new. Learn a new language. Do something you always wanted to do. Being in a relationship shouldn’t hold you back from any of those. Refocusing on your goals is key in finding yourself in a relationship. Be confident with your choices in life, and if you’re confident in standing up for yourself, you’ll have no regrets.

Your life is what you make of it, and it’s up to you to take what you deserve.